Episode III "Not For Kids" or Adults, or Carbon Based Life

George Lucas tells us not to bring our moppets to see Star Wars Episode III. This strikes me as a strange instruction, considering that the presence of Jar-Jar Binks and the decision to start the trilogy with Anakin as a cute little boy saving the galaxy betrays Lucas's desire to grab the kid market. We're just going to leave the young'uns hanging on this one, George? Then what the hell did we make them sit through the nauseating love scenes of Episode II for? Where's their payoff?

Well, fuck it. Lucas lost his bearings years ago. How else could he avoid recognizing that his vision for hell is not only a cliche, but a cliche Peter Jackson visited just a few years ago when he took us to Mordor to climb Mount Doom? A planet of nothing but Volcanos, George? Did you just call up Jackson and ask for his unused footage? Will Anakin also have to face a big-ass poison spider? Will you cut Christopher Lee out too, only to add him to the Special Really-Frigging-Long-You'll-Have-To-Sit-Through-Twelve-Different-Endings version of Episode III? (With that maneuver, "Return of the King" probably caused me permanent bladder damage.)

Talk like this threatens my already limited, I'll-catch-a-matinee-it-a-month-or-two-after-it-comes-out interest in Episode III. Do I need to see Hayden Christensen brood in front of hackneyed, computer generated infernos? I don't think I'm the only one out there who anticipates the new Star Wars video games more than the movies. The video games, you see, are of George Lucas, but they're not by George Lucas. They feel an obligation to keep me amused, entertained, and otherwise happy. I remember a time, a long time ago in a Hollywood far far away, when George Lucas didn't think that was too much to ask of him.