Vaguely Discontented

I don't often blog about my mood, not directly anyway. I think it's pretty clear from the tone of the entries that it varies from psychotic anger to bemused detachment. Still, at the moment I just feel disturbed--querulous, carping, crabby, and generally unkind--but I'm not quite sure what's getting on my nerves. Things in general are going reasonably well--not perfectly, but not unusually imperfectly. The new novella is reading better than I thought it would, the car's okay, and my digestive system is in order. I have to get my dryer fixed, which will cost some money, but that's far less annoying than the squeaking noise that my dryer is making right now. The Raiders are playing poorly, but that's not news either. Indeed, I've already started rooting for the Colts and Bucs, just so I can keep my head in the season.

I'll deal with it. I've got a book to revise and a play to write. I probably haven't been working hard enough. Yeah, that's probably it. When I don't push myself at work I start driving myself crazy. It's shoulder to the wheel time again.

Yet Another Part of the Bush Act I'm Tired Of

Headline from AP: Bush Tones Down Attack on Iraq War Critics

We should be used to this pattern by now:

1. Bush attacks somebody's patriotism.

2. Bush's surrogates and lackeys spend a week pressing the attack, writing op-eds, making inflammatory speeches in Congress, sniping on the Sunday Chat Shows, airing ads morphing Democrats into Osama Bin Laden, and the like.

3. Bush says he never attacks anyone's patriotism and welcomes open debate.

It has a certain lather-rinse-repeat quality to it, doesn't it?

Raiders 16; Indigenous Persons 13

The Raider defense comes through to seal the game, through Jerry Porter contributes a lot with 140+ yards receiving and a touchdown.

Errand Completed

I handed in my application for the Jack Straw Writer-In-Residence program. It took an age to compile everything, but it'll be worth it if I can get some of my material on the radio. They don't pay, so I think I have a pretty good shot.

Gee, I Always Thought of Myself As A Fairly Friendly Atheist

I got this from Majikthise, who got it from someone else:

Hardhat

You are an atheist, a rationalist, a believer in the triumph of science and of reason over libido. You can’t stand mumbo jumbo, ritual, spiritual nonsense of any kind, and you refuse to allow for these longings in others.


Astrologers, Scientologists and new–age crystal ball creeps are no different in your view from priests, rabbis and imams. They’re all just weak–minded pilgrims on the road to easy answers. Nature as revealed by science is awesome enough for you, but it’s a nature that needs curbing and taming by us on our evolutionary journey to perfection.


Your heros are Einstein, Darwin, Marx and — these days — Gould, Blakemore, Watson, Crick and Rosalind Franklin. Could you be hiding a little behind those absolutist views, worried that, if you let in a few doubts and contradictory ideas, the whole edifice might crumble? Loosen up a bit and try to enjoy the amazing variety of human belief systems. Don’t worry — it’s unlikely you’ll end up chanting your days away in some distant mountain cult.

What kind of humanist are you? Click here to find out.

My desire for a tidy garden--actually, I don't even own a houseplant because they're too much effort--means I think we're on an evolutionary journey to perfection? I don't think that. Evolution has nothing to do with perfection. It has everything to do with effective breeding and food gathering. Take the Bush family. They suck, both as individuals and as a community, but they breed prodigiously and have plenty of resources. Morally, they seem to be worsening with successive generations, but unless that becomes a factor in sexual selection, it won't stop them.

As for the other charge, I don't think that my impatience with those people in the 60s who imagined they could lift the Pentagon with their minds makes me guilty of absolutism. When it comes to the woo-woo stuff I have an open mind, just not one so open that my brains fall out.

Nice quiz.

I Only Said that Because I Wanted Them To Hire Me

That's what Alito told Diane Feinstein when she questioned him about his comments on Roe v. Wade in 1985. Fair enough, I guess, but isn't Alito now seeking another job, one with lifetime tenure and tons of perks? As Kevin Drum points out, the position he takes on Roe in the letter is not "Roe vs. Wade bothers me because I abhor abortion" but that "the constitution does not protect the right to an abortion." That's a statement of his view not just of abortion, but of the legitimacy of law that allows it. Should Senators not ask whether Alito's positions on the law change when the job he's seeking changes? What happens when he gets on the Supreme Court and no longer has to worry about unemployment?

A New Goof

Because the movie got me when I was a youngster, I take special pleasure in beating up Damien Omen II. But whoever runs Cold Fusion found a plot hole that, damn it all, didn't occur to me:

Unfortunately, the forces of EE-vil don't want Brugenhagen's next set of sacred daggers to make into Thorn's hands (is there a Blessed Vending Machine dispensing these things by the gross somewhere in the Holy Land?), and causes a cave-in, burying the two men for a good many years.

Yeah! The dinks who made the film forgot that the seven daggers--supposedly the only weapons in the world that can kill Damien--were with Robert Thorn in England. How did that bearded dude in Israel manage to get them back so fast, particularly when, in the opening scene, he's only just found out what happened to Gregory Peck? How the hell did I miss that?

Denver 31; Oakland 17

Three interceptions, with one returned for a touchdown. Can we please bench Kerry Collins now?

Good One

I'm not usually an avid reader of poetry reviews, but a good joke is a good joke:

The most obvious problem with "Good Poems for Hard Times" is that it proposes that "the meaning of poetry is to give courage." That is not the meaning of poetry; that is the meaning of Scotch.

Nice. Read the rest of the review if you want to learn how Garrison Keillor incited literary controversy.

Bush Accuses Iraq War Critics of Undercutting America's Troops

They say you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. They say you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. They say you're an alcoholic when you...oh damn it, damn it, goddamn it!

No T.O.

Because someone who wanted to know about Al Davis acuqiring Terrell Owens landed here, I'll throw in my opinion on the matter: not a chance.

The Raiders have taken on controversial characters in the past, and certainly some have imagined a Moss-Owens tandem and drooled. Still, the Raiders won't do it for these reasons:

1) They still have a defense to rebuild. The Raiders will need to go hunting for linebackers next offseason. The defensive line has come together and developed an identity, and the secondary has a lot of upside to it. But we need some playmakers (other than Morrison and Clark) at LB, or the Raiders will be stuck in the big nickel for the rest of their lives.

2) They have a crew of talented receivers to complement Moss already. They only this year gave Jerry Porter a very rich long term deal. Terrell Owens might be an upgrade over Porter, but is he enough of one to put up with all the nonsense he brings with him? I doubt it.

3) At 3-5, the Raiders are in a fragile psychological state. Another couple of losses and the coaches may have a hard time keeping the team together as it is. Why bring in Owens and blow everything up?

4) Owens's age. He's already in his thirties, and the Raiders can't expect to get too many more good years out of him. While that hasn't stopped Oakland before, it might here, because they're trying to develop so many talented younger players at the position.

5) Drew Rosenhaus. The Raiders have enough problems with Poston (Charles Woodson's agent). Why should Davis, Trask, and Lombardi make their lives harder still by taking on not only Owens but his miserable representative?

6) The Salary Cap: The Raiders don't have the revenue to pay Owens the guaranteed money that he would almost certainly demand, nor can they afford the hit against the cap they'd take for him.

There are teams I can see taking a flyer on Owens--the Jets, Baltimore, Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, or Tampa Bay. But the Raiders don't really need him, can't really afford him, and probably don't want him.

Now watch them trade for him and make me look like a dork. It's happened before.

Is It Just Assassins This Time, Pat, Or Do They Get A Hurricane Too?

Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius. --Abbot Arnold Amaury, attributed.

From Majikthise:


Pat Robertson warned the citizens of Dover that they'd better not expect help from God after letting him down on the whole intelligent design thing.

You can watch the video of it. Well, maybe you can. I couldn't get it to work. It would be amusing to think that this is just the wind that blows from an isolated, increasingly crazy man, but too many people spend too much money to keep him on the air, and too many people in halls of right wing power are either too frightened or too mesmerized by him (actually, it's not an either-or choice. It could be, and probably is, both) for me to think of this as anything other than horrifically dangerous. For a man as quick to excoriate Hollywood films for the potential social effects of their violence and carnality, Robertson is awfully free with language that could drive his more unbalanced suppliants to kill their neighbors.

Week after week Robertson sits on the set of the 700 Club, sounding like Barney Fife getting an anal probe, calling down the wrath of God and the faithful on anyone who dares to ask an impertinent question or defy the Book of Leviticus. Surely if the God of Robertson is willing to wipe out half the population of Florida because Disney gives the partners of gay employees spousal benefits, surely that same God could spare a sincere believer a heretic of his own to kill?

Roberston would be interested to know who else has subscribed to this brand of theology:


LECKTOR
When you were so depressed after
you shot Mr. Garrett Jacob Hobbs to
death, it wasn't the act that got
you down. Didn't you really feel
so bad because killing him felt so
good?
(ironic)
And why shouldn't it feel good?! It
must feel good to God. God does it
all the time!

Graham laughs. Then he starts to listen closely. There is
something here for him:

GRAHAM
I don't believe in God.

LECKTOR
You should, Will. God's terrific!
(beat)
He dropped a church roof on thirty-
four of His worshippers in Texas last
Wednesday night. Just as they were
grovelling to Him and singing a hymn.
Don't you think that felt good?
(beat)
He wouldn't begrudge you two measly
murders.

GRAHAM
Why does it feel good?

LECKTOR
It feels good because: if you do as
God does, enough times, you become
as God is: powerful...

Will Graham thinks about this.

LECKTOR
(fading)
God's a champ! He got a hundred and
sixty Philippines in one plane crash
two months ago... Remember the big
earthquake in Italy last spring...?

--Michael Mann Manhunter

I needn't have gone to fiction for my example. Many of Robertson's theological ancestors have subscribed to the God-as-righteous-serial-killer thesis. The blood stains everyone from St. Jerome to Luther to Torquemada to Jim Jones to Charles Manson. Lector explains the appeal of such a God most straightforwardly, though. It's a God that speaks to our darkest impulses and cruelest tendencies. It's a God that would endorse the use of the rack, the pear, the chair, or the wheel. Use these, the God would say, and become an instrument of My holy will. This holds great appeal to those so confused, damaged, or frustrated by the modern world that their ultimate hope is for their tormentors--the gay, the secular, the liberal, the feminist--to suffer God's merciful, yet sadistic and bloody, vengeance. And if they can pitch in and help, they can not only feel closer to God, they can become as He is.

It must feel so wonderful to be Pat Robertson. Every time a gay person drowns in a flood, Robertson knows that his belief allows him to share in the glorious power that broke the levy or eroded the river bank. And if a believer happened to drown with the homosexual, well, God will sort that out, won't He? And what's more, God and Roberston are willing to invite you to share their power with them (for a price). Such generocity! Such selflessness! Some religions are dumb enough to stop at offering succor for the afflicted, but with Robertson you get the full package of benefits for your money--the might to call plague and burning and horror on all the world's heretics.

Why would you want that power, you ask?

Because as a Christian, you love your enemies.

The Situation Room

Dear CNN,

Enough with lame names for newscasts. Jerry Bruckheimerizing your news set and giving it a name out of Air Force One is not going to sex up Wolf Blitzer. I don't watch a lot of cable news, and the reason I don't is its incessant need to punch up even the most trivial story with graphics and sample music and tricks. ANOTHER HOT BLONDE MISSING! Dun-dun-dun-DUNNNNN. Let's go LIVE to the SITUATION ROOM and watch WOLF BLITZER point at PHILIPS HIGH DEFINITION TVs! PHILIPS TVS! Dun-dun-dun-DUNNNNNNN!!!!!

Just sit behind the desk and read the news copy, jerks. Stop trying to turn the world into a Michael Bay movie. We get quite enough of that from Michael Bay.

Another bit of friendly advice from,

Your Uncle Jim

Poppin' Fresh Nude Unicycles

Not a real post here. I just wanted to see what the ad thing would do.

Update 10:21pm: No change in the ads that I can see, but three people came here having searched for "nude". Thus have I increased my visibility among those seeking something to masturbate to. Maybe I should help them out:

Oh [your name here], when your strong manly hands caressed my silken thigh, only then did I know how it felt to be a real woman.

You can take it from there, can't you? Hey! Dammit! Now you've made the post all sticky, asswipe!

Carlin Interview

Just read a well-done interview with George Carlin at The Onion A.V. Club. This part in particular touches on something that still gnaws at me:


AVC: What's bothersome about the Katrina and "I Am A Bad American" e-mails is that they sound kind of bullying, which raises a tricky question: Do you think it's possible to be truly funny from a position of power? For instance, Dennis Miller, who's always been a smart, funny comedian, has undergone a political conversion over the past decade, and now his comedy is rooted in his support of the Bush administration. And he seems less funny.

GC: For some reason, there aren't as many right-wing comedians as there are left or center or non-political. I read something about this recently that made sense, and I've forgotten what it said, of course. I have great respect for Dennis Miller's mind and ability as a comedian, but I agree that I am not as personally entertained [by] his new material, which you describe as "coming from a position of power." Of course, he always did come from a position of presumed superiority, and I don't necessarily say that pejoratively. He did come from what appeared to be a smartass, superior platform. That's part of what made him work, as a stand-up.

I think your premise is correct, that it's harder to be funny from the position of power. That's a good description for it. Might be a couple other ways of describing it that I can't think of.

I think of it this way. Dennis Miller's pose of pissy narcissism was tolerable in part because he made it clear it was a pose--a pose that did not escape his mockery in his act. In one moment where he kidded his image, he said, "There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it." What also made it work was that his irreverance was total. He demonstrated a unversal skepticism which made everyone a target, powerful and powerless alike.

What's made Miller's act less attractive is his hero worship of George W. Bush and his transformation into Bush's on-stage toady. It reminds me of Mort Sahl's totemizing Reagan in the 1980s. It's never fun to see someone who used to hassle The Man become his shill. I'll bet Renfield, for example, was a much livelier conversationalist before he became blindly loyal to Dracula. Afterwards it was all "Dracula this" and "Dracula that" and "I hate the breathing". Tedious.

I also have to say that with Miller I feel rejected. His most recent act says to me, "Get out of here, lefty punk. You don't belong in my audience anymore." While it doesn't depress me, I do feel a little sad about it. Yeah, I've got new friends in David Cross and Patten Oswalt, and I remember the good times. Still, the whole thing leaves a bitter residue.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Raiders 23; Chiefs 27

I don't have the heart to talk about this one. Please, Indy, crush the loathesome, scabby Patriots and salvage my week.

My Random Ten

From my iTunes Party Shuffle:

1. Bootleg of 2003 Concert...Elvis Costello
2. Hairshirt...R.E.M.
3. Can't Ignore the Train...10,000 Maniacs
4. The Black Velvet Band...The Irish Rovers
5. Oh Well...Fiona Apple
6. My Wave...Soundgarden
7. Tongue...R.E.M.
8. Medley: Tenderly/You'll Never Walk Alone...Louis Armstrong
9. Floutino Concerto I. Allegro...Antonio Vivaldi
10. "La Notte" III. Largo...Antonio Vivaldi

Work

Now that I've got a first draft of a new novella, I'm turning my attention to a theater project. Your friend and humble narrator will next start a five act satire of the Gulf War soon. It should keep me occupied for a year or two. Long projects are where I live.