Bitterspice turned me on to this:
Okay. I'll take libertine, but lazy am I? Lazy, you pustulent crackwhores?!? I just finished my second book, which makes two more books than the current President of the United States has ever seen. The correct answer is "psychopathic"! Okay. Okay. Calming down. Will. Not. Kill. Tonight. Put. Away. Chainsaw.
Calm. Calm. Serene. Serene.
I learned that from James Coburn, who used it to settle Animal down on The Muppet Show.
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