Is Breaking Up Hard To Do?

Eastern Washington wants to abandon Western Washington. As a resident of Western Washington, I say fine, stop taking our tax money. You may disapprove of our crypto-communist, bisexual, overpriced coffee swilling lifestyles, but they make your lives possible. Without us, you're west Idaho, a low-tax/low-service shithole wallowing in your own filth. If that's what you like, see you, wouldn't want to be you.

While we're at it, let's break up western and eastern Oregon. They don't like each other much either, and it would be easier to make the transition between birkenstocks and bible belt in that place if there were a state border in between. Even California can break up. The coastal areas can split from the interior, and north can split from south. We can see how long these little shitball towns--and yes, Spokane, you are a little shitball town--can survive off their own tax revenue.

The whole thing not so appetizing now that you have to pay your own bills? Fine, we'll let you stay, but maybe you ought to think twice about calling us names. We create the jobs. We do the research. We face the terrorist threats. We build the civilization, and we pay for its maintenance. When people talk about the U.S. being the envy of the world, they're referring to us, not you. We've been carrying you for years. If you can't muster up some gratitude, try respect.