Gay Panic

Chris Matthews and Don Imus share an "I am so heterosexual" moment (from James Wolcott):

"MATTHEWS (1/18/06): Have you gone to see it yet? I’ve seen everything else but that. I just—

IMUS: No, I haven’t seen it. Why would I want to see that?

MATTHEWS: I don’t know. No opinion on that. I haven’t seen it either, so—

IMUS: So they were—it was out when I was in New Mexico and—it doesn’t resonate with real cowboys who I know.

MATTHEWS: Yeah—

IMUS: But then, maybe there’s stuff going on on the ranch that I don’t know about. Not on my ranch, but you know—

MATTHEWS: Well, the wonderful Michael Savage, who’s on 570 in DC, who shares a station with you at least, he calls it [laughter]—what’s he call it?—he calls it Bare-back Mount-ing. That’s his name for the movie.

IMUS: Of course, Bernard calls it Fudgepack Mountain..."

The transcript doesn't indicate whether buttocks were slapped or potted beef products were consumed during this exchange of manly views.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting mighty sick of this straight male pose that says "We can't (do this/go there/watch this) because we're too straight." I hear Brokeback Mountain is a pretty good picture, and I'll probably check it out either in the theaters or on DVD. I won't go there for an erotic charge because unlike Mickey Kaus I grew up and figured out that not all movies with sex in them are meant to be straight-guy stroke material, and because my track record of turning down offers of gay nookie makes my arousal unlikely. (Though not impossible. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are good looking guys, and I imagine if anyone could induce me to suck a dick, it would be one, or both, of them.)

Besides, I'll never get to be a gay cowboy trying to thread his way through a very straight culture. It might be interesting to consider what that's like. Why not? In my imaginative life I've used books and movies and plays to explore existence as a king, a prince, a princess, a slave, a beggar, a child prodigy, a private detective, a professor, an out-of-work auto mechanic, a boxer, an actor, a Soviet dissident, a victim of the Nazis, a British spy, a singer, a gangster, a starship captain, an alien, an FBI agent, a teacher, a lawyer, a tribal chief, an radio commentator, a serial killer, and a hundred other kinds of things. Why not add a gay cowboy to the list? It may not get me off, but that's not the only way for a story to capture my interest.