Worst of the Oughts

I did a best of some time ago. Now for the flip side. These are the ten worst movies of the last four years and change. Though they have caused me less pain than the Bush administration has, I can't imagine who they'd brag to about it.

In no particular order:

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Glitter
Battlefield Earth
Pearl Harbor
3000 Miles to Graceland
Freddy Got Fingered
The Beach
Gigli
Crossroads
Tomcats

Have I seen all these movies from beginning to end? Of course not. But I have seen enough of all of them to know that they pushed me to limits I didn't want to know I had. (It took me three tries just to get through parts of "Battlefield Earth". The first time I watched it I fell asleep during the opening credits and awoke as the closing credits ended. They say that in such situations, the body is kind.) I've seen most of Glitter, getting off the bus only when Carey, Dice and her friends begin their debate on the impact Brown v. Board of Education had on subsequent interpretations of the 14th Amendment--oh, wait, sorry, I meant their debate about which of them sucked the most. They all won. I got through two hours of Pearl Harbor, but when the movie insisted I expend energy to insert side two, I thought of things I'd like to insert into Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer instead. (I'll start with a pair of railroad ties heated to 2,500 degrees fahrenheit...) Did I really have to sit for another fucking ninety minutes to find out that Josh Hartnett would give his life so that Ben Affleck might live because Ben Affleck's name is the one above the title? If Michael Bay had directed the production of Romeo and Juliet in "Shakespeare in Love", Romeo would have died saving the life of Mercutio during the epic exploding grenade duel and Hummer chase, after which Mercutio would marry Juliet and they'd name their first child Romeo while waving the American flag and staring into a glorious sunset. Mostly I remember getting really into dusting and paying bills while "The Beach" was on TV. I saw all of "Star Wars Episode II". (Sigh)

Note. "From Justin To Kelly" would probably bump "Crossroads" off the list if I could summon up the will to watch it. I can't do it though, kiddies. I'd hate to see what my Netflix recommendations would look like if I stuck that pile of offal in my queue.