Monday, June 13, 2005

Movie Lines We Can Do Without

--"I'm just trying to say...[insert sentiment here].": The most popular sentiment for this one is "I'm sorry", but you can really put anything there. I suppose the point of including this kind of prefacing is to make it clear that the character is saying something that is difficult to admit, but it's time for someone to write a new preface, or just trust the actor to find a way to the moment without words.

--"She's gonna blow!" Action movies are, obviously, the worst offender here--with Jerry Bruckheimer movies leading the pack. The irony is that the more often someone says "She's going to blow" the more likely the movie is to, well, you know.

--"How can you say this to me?" Well, through the coodinated use of diaphragm, lungs, laryx, lips, teeth, and tongue. Usually meant to register offense, this line does so in the dullest, most perfunctory way possible.

--"The clock is ticking." A superfluous line. When tension is already present, it adds nothing to it; when it isn't, you don't need it because you're already checking your watch.

--"Why!?! Why!?!" Why? Primarily because its use in "The Lonely Lady" has made it impossible for me to hear this heartfelt cry at the basic injustice of the universe without laughing until I pee.

--"Watch your back." (Variation "I've got your back") Beyond the difficulty of doing this without prehensile eyes, this line collapsed for me when I saw this exchange in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" (Not exactly classic Mel Brooks but still...)
"Watch my back!"
"Your back just got punched twice."
"Thank you."
The trouble with this line is that it has been used so much that its meaning is no longer clear. Is it saying that one should fear for one's life or that one should merely be cautious? As a warning, wouldn't "Don't let anyone jump out from the shadows and stab you in the back of the neck." work better? If mere caution is called for, wouldn't "the people in there would trade your mom for a packet of dried semen" convey the opposition's ethics (and intelligence) better?

Feel free to nominate other lines for retirement. I've got real work to do.

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