You Can Take Off the Garments Now

In the L.A. Times

From the time he was a child in Peru, the Mormon Church instilled in Jose A. Loayza the conviction that he and millions of other Native Americans were descended from a lost tribe of Israel that reached the New World more than 2,000 years ago.

"We were taught all the blessings of that Hebrew lineage belonged to us and that we were special people," said Loayza, now a Salt Lake City attorney. "It not only made me feel special, but it gave me a sense of transcendental identity, an identity with God."

A few years ago, Loayza said, his faith was shaken and his identity stripped away by DNA evidence showing that the ancestors of American natives came from Asia, not the Middle East.

"I've gone through stages," he said. "Absolutely denial. Utter amazement and surprise. Anger and bitterness."

For Mormons, the lack of discernible Hebrew blood in Native Americans is no minor collision between faith and science. It burrows into the historical foundations of the Book of Mormon, a 175-year-old transcription that the church regards as literal and without error.

For those outside the faith, the depth of the church's dilemma can be explained this way: Imagine if DNA evidence revealed that the Pilgrims didn't sail from Europe to escape religious persecution but rather were part of a migration from Iceland — and that U.S. history books were wrong.

Brief pause here to point out that the reporter's analogy is imperfect. Historians would undoubtedly be skeptical if someone claimed that the Pilgrims came from Iceland, because the documentary and archeological evidence converges around the theory that they came from England in the early 17th century. If, however, a renegade historian had the goods, or at least led others to seek out and find the goods, the history books would have to change. That's the thing about history; we don't take it on faith. A more appropriate analogy, and one that stirs up religious passions all its own, is the lack of archeological evidence for a 40-year mass exodus of Hebrews out of Egypt. (The curious can go to Proquest and check out an article called "Conservative Movement Split On Exodus: In wake of Rabbi Wolpe's sermon saying event didn't happen, a debate on history vs. faith", orginially published in New York Jewish Week.)

Anyway, back to the L.A. Times:

Critics want the church to admit its mistake and apologize to millions of Native Americans it converted. Church leaders have shown no inclination to do so. Indeed, they have dismissed as heresy any suggestion that Native American genetics undermine the Mormon creed.

Yet at the same time, the church has subtly promoted a fresh interpretation of the Book of Mormon intended to reconcile the DNA findings with the scriptures. This analysis is radically at odds with long-standing Mormon teachings.

Some longtime observers believe that ultimately, the vast majority of Mormons will disregard the genetic research as an unworthy distraction from their faith.

I always love it when a religion whose texts are "literal and without error" suddenly require "fresh interpretation" in light of scientific data. I wonder if the Church will retroactively excommunicate those responsible for the old "misinterpretation". To me it would be far simpler to admit that Joseph Smith was full of crap about the whole golden plates thing, but to each his own, I guess. Faith based reasoning, you've got to love it.

Happy News?

From Adam Schefter at NFL.com:

OUT IN OAKLAND ...?

Kerry Collins might have to look elsewhere for work next season.
The Raiders and reps for quarterback Kerry Collins are scheduled to meet later this week in Indianapolis at the Scouting Combine to try to determine each party's plans for the coming season.

It sounds as if the sides are headed for a mutual divorce, with the Raiders apprehensive about paying Collins the $2.5 million roster bonus due to him next week as well as his $6 million base salary for 2006, and the quarterback apprehensive about returning to Oakland to be the starter.

It looks like both sides feel it would be better to start fresh, the Raiders with a new face at quarterback, Collins with a new city and new offense. But nothing will become official until the two sides meet later this week.

Craig Not Bond?

Actually, according to his contract he is, at least for now, but some Bond fans want to boycott Casino Royale in protest of Daniel Craig's hiring. I know they won't listen to me, or even hear me, but if I could say anything to them I'd say this: give the bloke a chance. He may not fit the physical type we've come to expect, but from what I understand he's an excellent actor. Maybe he can make the Bond role his own, maybe not. I'm willing to watch him try.

Quote of the Day

"The words 'merely' and 'money' never go together."
--Sidney Reilly "Reilly: Ace of Spies"

Irving Goes to Jail

You can read the story here. I'm not a huge fan of throwing twits like Irving into prison for being twits--as I see it, you have the right to believe whatever half-witted bullshit you please, provided I have the right to debunk your fool ideas and mock you mercilessly. Still, it's hard to summon up much sympathy for Irving, a lying prick:

"I've never been a Holocaust denier and I get very angry when I'm called a Holocaust denier," he said.

I guess when Irving said in Erroll Morris's Mr. Death that the Leuchter Report made him a "hardcore disbeliever", he was talking about Santa Claus.

UPDATE: Michael Shermer, who has interviewed Irving, writes this well-considered editorial Free Speech, Even If It Hurts. I agree. Let's spring the bastard, for principle's sake. But let's use the truth to carve the hateful son of a bitch to pieces once he's out.

Brokeback Mountain

I had a free afternoon, so I went out and caught a matinee at the Seven Gables down in the U-District. I'm glad I did. I don't want to spoil anything because bitterspice might want to see it at some stage, and she's one of the two people who read this blog for something other than washer/dryer repair tips. I will say this. Those expecting gay erotica will be disappointed. Brokeback Mountain is a movie about obligations and fears, and how two very particular people negotiate, or fail to negotiate, them. What makes it interesting as a piece of gay cinema is that it doesn't spend a lot of time insisting on the humanity of its protagonists; it takes that as a given and explores their problems.

The movie does contain one element I wonder about. During a Thanksgiving dinner scene, a family is watching the Thanksgiving day game. According to the credits, the game that they're watching is the 1977 Grey Cup, which doesn't take place on U.S. Thanksgiving, and wouldn't be too popular in Texas. Did the NFL not want to license its footage for the movie? Did the league simply ask for too hefty a fee? Or was it that, because Brokeback Mountain was shot in Canada, some Canadian film board insisted on CFL footage? Anyway, it was lucky for the film that, from a distance, the Edmonton Eskimos look like the Green Bay Packers.

Sunday Sermon

"If Religion be not within cognizance of Civil Government, how can its legal establishment be said to be necessary to Civil Government? What influence in fact have ecclesiastical establishments had on Civil Society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of Civil authority; in many instances they have seen the upholding of the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been seen the guardians of the liberty of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty, may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to perpetuate it [liberty], needs them not."

James Madison "Memorial and Remonstrance against Religious Assessments"

Iran Renames Danish Pastries

It's a shame to see Iran sink to our level.

How Next Year's Shooting Will Go

Day One: Dick Cheney's hunting partner, Samuel Flurffen, was rushed to the emergency room with what the White House calls a "severe cold". In spite of the internal bleeding caused by Flurffen's "heavy sneezing", the White House says he'll be fine.

Day Two: The White House announced that Samuel Flurffen has come down with the very lightest touch of pneumonia. Scott McLellan described rumors that the fluid in Flurffen's lungs was the result of Cheney's firing bullets through Flurffen's torso as an example of "the conspiracy-minded liberal media at work."

Day Three: Samuel Flurffen's internal organs suffered what the White House described as "a slight catastrophic failure" today. While some experts say this occurred because of massive internal injuries and lead poisoning, the White House dismisses these claims. "Sam's organs experienced only a minor failure as the result of his cold. It happens to everyone. Why you guys are obsessed with this we just don't know."

Day Four: The White House reports that Samuel Flurffen is "fine, in the pink, dancing the tarantella and happy as can be." Scott McLellan said that those reporting that Mr. Flurffen's body is stiff and cold "hate America" and should "watch what they say."

Day Five: Samuel Flurffen has been sent to a farm way out in the country, according to White House officials, where he can run and play in the outdoors with other Samuel Flurffens. Scott McLellan said it wouldn't be possible for reporters to visit him at this time, but assured a relieved nation that Flurffen has many wonderful days ahead of him. In a related note, funeral services for Samuel Flurffen will be held at the Little Chapel of Sorrow, 12 King's Road, Amarillo, Texas.

The Valentine's Gift Arrived

For bitterspice's Valentine's Day present, I bought a 1997 Marchesi di Barolo Cannubi, which arrived mere minutes ago. I purchased this particular vintage because 1997 was such a good year for Barolo, and because the wine should be mature by our tenth anniversary in 2008. That should give me the time to save up for the tenderloin steaks that should accompany a wine like this, as well as the charcoal grill to cook them on.

Favorite Onion Bit Today

On making Bush's tax cuts permanent:

Jim Decker,
Systems Analyst
"These tax cuts are necessary in order to stimulate the economy to the point where we can pay for the tax cuts. Why is that hard for you to understand?"

Dateline: February 11th 2007

(AP) Vice President Dick Cheney went hunting in Texas today. Said Cheney, "Last year I got a taste for it, so I've returned to this place to hunt the world's most dangerous game...Man."

The Winter Games

I can't wait for the games in Turin to start. My favorite event is the luge. Any game where abject lunacy is a basic requirement of play is one I have to see.

Current Netflix Films

What I'm watching now:

The Sweet Smell of Success (1957) Tony Curtis, Burt Lancaster. If Paths of Glory reflects the most terrifyingly cynical ways in which human beings can treat each other, this film isn't far behind. Curtis plays beta male to Lancaster's alpha, but they're both terrified men. Neither of them can handle things slipping out of their control, and they'll use any means, however dirty, to ensure that things never do. An ugly portrait of the gossip column business in which I see not Walter Winchell, but modern bullies like Bill O'Reilly. (That's a generational thing, I guess.)

The Muppet Movie I haven't watched this one in over twenty years. I can't wait to see Kermit on the bicycle again.

Reilly: Ace of Spies Disc 2. I missed this series when I was younger, but I loved the first disc. Sam Neill would have made an excellent James Bond. Hell, he makes an excellent anything. How he manages to be feral and elegant simultaneously I just don't know.

Scenes From the Police State

I learned of this article by National Journal's Stuart Taylor from Atrios. It debunks the administration's assertion that their prisoners in Cuba are all Taliban fighters caught in the act of attacking U.S. Forces.

A high percentage, perhaps the majority, of the 500-odd men now held at Guantanamo were not captured on any battlefield, let alone on "the battlefield in Afghanistan" (as Bush asserted) while "trying to kill American forces" (as McClellan claimed).

Fewer than 20 percent of the Guantanamo detainees, the best available evidence suggests, have ever been Qaeda members.

Many scores, and perhaps hundreds, of the detainees were not even Taliban foot soldiers, let alone Qaeda terrorists. They were innocent, wrongly seized noncombatants with no intention of joining the Qaeda campaign to murder Americans.

The majority were not captured by U.S. forces but rather handed over by reward-seeking Pakistanis and Afghan warlords and by villagers of highly doubtful reliability.

And the administration seeks the power to kill people in this country? If I thought it would help, I'd keep my doors locked.

Todavia Cantamos.

UPDATE 2/8/2006: Ilsa is quite right. Taylor's article is based upon a longer article, also published by National Journal. Taylor links to it, and so shall I.

In A World

Nathan Rabin over at the Onion AV Club blog discusses a movie trailer that asks whether anything you've seen can prepare you for Annapolis?

The answer to that is yes. Everything I've seen tells me that Annapolis will be a hackneyed, Frankenstein-monster of a movie consisting of the spliced together scenes of older movies that I've already seen. So in that sense, yes, I'm prepared for Annapolis. Now, what would prepare me to enjoy Annapolis? That's tougher, but I guess a night of whoring, liquor, Lamborghinis, hard drugs, and rampant mayhem involving dwarves, holstein cattle, and TV's John Stamos could leave me in enough of a stupor that I might like Annapolis. Remove any element from that list, though, and I'd probably decide to sneak into a better movie.

Rabin does ask a fun question though, which I'll leave it to you to answer, either in comments below or in the private reserves of your own souls: "Have you guys ever seen a film for which the 'nothing you've ever experienced can possibly prepare you for' hyperbole actually made any sense?"

Edward, Edward, Edward

Edward Jay Epstein wrote this column on the failure of Hollywood to market original films. While I'm sure they fail at it spectacularly, Epstein picked a very poor example with Michael Bay's The Island:

Consider, for example, DreamWorks' 2005 science-fiction film The Island, an original story about clones who don't know they are intended to be used for organ transplants for rich "sponsors," including movie stars, athletes, and presidents.

Mr. Epstein, The Island is a remake. Well, actually, everyone, including the friendly folks at IMDB, thought it was a remake; but according to the producers of 1979's Parts: The Clonus Horror, Bay and company plagiarized their story:

The producers of the 1979 sci-fi indie flick are suing DreamWorks and WB, stating that "The Island" is more than just a little similar to their low-budget film. "Clonus," produced by Myrl A. Schreibman and Robert S. Fiveson, who also helmed, tells the story of a secret colony of clones who are told they will one day go to a utopian place called "America." They're actually being raised in case their human counterparts need spare organs. One of the clones escapes into Southern California and is chased as he tries to expose the facility.

Now Epstein's main point, that the studios don't know how to market original material, still stands. Sidney Lumet complained in his book on moviemaking that the people who handle marketing for studios are the people who couldn't get jobs marketing other products. Still, Epstein should have done a little checking before he used Bay's ripoff as a case in point.

Meanwhile, Back At the Crawford Ranch

Apparently, the administration's Justice Department (which we will soon be calling the Ministry of Love, or miniluv, in Newspeak) is now providing legal justification for Bush-sponsored death squads. (via Majikthise)

If we know where a terrorism suspect is, why is it insufficient to arrest him? From Bush's point of view, arrest would place a terrorism suspect in the hands of the judicial branch, with all the inconvenient legal rights that involves. A prosecutor would have to explain to a judge why this person is believed to be a terrorist, which might expose a variety of intelligence tactics that violate the U.S. Constitution. A dead suspect can't plead for his legal rights or deny the charges against him. As long as the killing is kept secret, there's no opportunity for oversight from any level of government.

In essence, the Bush administration is claiming the power of life or death over the citizens of the United States. They've made mistakes in identifying Al Qaida suspects before--like that German-Arab fellow on Sixty Minutes whom the CIA kidnapped and tortured, only to release later. With sanctioned murder, the government has a means of guaranteeing that their errors will never be made public.

Next up--the sanctioned murder of incovenient scientists and government officials.

Pittsburgh 21; Seattle 10

Well, it went more or less as I figured. (I actually thought the Steelers would win by more than they did.) The Seahawks were the victims of some bad calls, but their own lack of execution and their befuddling performance with two minutes to go in each half ultimately doomed them. I usually give Holmgren more credit for clock management than that. Sheesh.

Anyway, congratulations to Pittsburgh. Now the offseason begins. Go Raiders!

Super Bowl I

Just got off the phone with my dad, and he told me about Super Bowl I, Kansas City vs. Green Bay. L.A. Coliseum. Apparently enough seats were available that those with bad seats, like my dad, were invited to move closer for the second half. One of Green Bay's receivers played the game of his life that day, catching passes thrown behind him for big yardage. He'd never play that well again. Lombardi's first Super Bowl title. Yeah.

My Super Bowl Predictions

1. The crowd will be much more sedate than they are during the Conference Championship games. That's because, while there are some hometown fans for each team in the stands, a large percentage of the tickets go to various corporate types who don't want the crowd noise to get in the way of their deal-making. This is one of the reasons why the conference championships are so much better than the Super Bowl.

2. The halftime show will suck. I don't give a damn who is doing the halftime show, the very nature of the halftime show precludes entertainment. The people tuning in to watch the games, real football fans, usually use this time to cook food, head to the bathroom, read Finnegan's Wake, and try to keep their spirit of fannish-hostility up. Further, the venue is too big to be suitable for a concert. What you see from the stands are a lot of lights and colors and some tiny-iddy-biddy people who seem only loosely connected to the music that's playing. The people attending didn't come to see the band, which makes them more lethargic than concert crowds. The halftime concert is thus less interesting than concert footage of the same band. Also, the halftime show lengthens the game by forty-five minutes, spoiling its pace. Imagine if, during your favorite movie, someone spliced in an hour's worth of footage of a Paul McCartney and Wings concert. You'd string the projectionist up by his own film. Well, that's what they do to football fans every fucking year with the halftime show.

3. People will make way too big a deal of the commercials. What kind of idiot watches the Super Bowl to see the ads? You'd have to pay me salary and benefits to do a thing like that, but apparently people in this world exist who find in a new Doritos commercial a cause for celebration. It's that kind of stupidity that shows us who Madison Avenue really has by the balls.

4. PIttsburgh will win. Seattle has the talent to win on paper, but so did Indianapolis and Denver. The Steelers's 3-4 defense in the playoffs has been every bit as devastating as those boasted by the 2002 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the 2000 Baltimore Ravens. I don't think Alexander will be able to find the edge against this 3-4, and he's not a great between-the-tackles runner. I like Matt Hasselbeck a lot, but I expect the defense to force Seattle to become one-dimensional, and once that happens, Hasselbeck will be a target for Dick LeBeau's seemingly endless array of blitz packages. Big Ben will, once again, make the plays he needs to make, and take a step toward creating a new legend in Pennsylvania.

Pittsburgh 34; Seattle 17.

Cindy Sheehan arrested at State of the Union

I wonder what's on the menu for next year. Maybe they'll arrest the first senator, congressman, or audience member who stops clapping.